I had to tell her I love her

Say it often, say it loudly.

The 1 train rolled into the station. I let it go. Another train would come along soon, and another, and another; like waves in the ocean, there’s always the next one. What couldn’t wait was what I had to tell my friend.

She and I met in 2002, during my early years in New York City. We were reporters at the New York Daily News and bonded over our shared immigrant heritage; her parents are from Haiti and I come from Brazil. Our friendship has endured even after I left for another job, and we both left for other cities and she left the country. Our connection has deepened as we’ve both married and become mothers, and it has strengthened since I became a widow.

I returned to New York in 2022, after 10 years away. She’s in New York for only a few days. We went on a long walk in Central Park this morning — 11,994 steps, according to the Health app on my Apple watch. We caught up, reminisced and shared the intimate stories behind the emotional loads we carry. We could have talked for hours more, but we both had other commitments.

We hugged on the subway platform, said our goodbyes and promised to keep our WhatsApp conversations going. As the train approached, I turned to watch her climb the staircase leading into the street. “Wait,” I hollered. She stopped. I ran toward her, grabbed her hands and said, “I love you.”

Then, I waited for the next train.

As my husband died before my eyes more than six years ago, that’s all I could say to him: I love you. Those were also his last words to me.

How often do you tell the people you love that you love them?

Let the subway go, let the wave pass and embrace every opportunity to tell the people you care for how much they mean to you.

With purpose,

Fernanda.