Take and give

On the discomfort and rewards of asking for help

It has been rough out there if you’re looking for a job in media. I know a lot of journalists who are cobbling together a living out of contract and consulting work given that it has been easier to land those than a full-time role these days.

I’ve been at it since my resignation last August and though I’ve been fortunate to have had a good amount of work coming my way, the constant hustle — to meet deadlines and search for new contracts to replace the ones that are ending — has been exhausting. I‘ve learned to take advantage of the flexibility that self-employment allows, though, like having the occasional weekday surf session, taking a lunchtime hot yoga class and enjoying regular coffee dates with friends and professional connections.

These dates have taught me a lot about the value of asking for help.

I didn’t like asking for help. I used to think that I could take care of everything on my own. My husband’s death forced me to ask for help as it became clear to me that I couldn’t handle the heavy load of widowhood and single parenthood alone. Also, people wanted to help. So I decided to help them help me by articulating what they could do for me. Matching desire and necessity turned out to be the ideal approach.

I was catching up with a dear friend over the phone earlier this week, a fellow journalist who has also been hustling while looking for work. It occurred to me as we talked that he might be a good person to introduce to a talent recruiter I met at a party some months ago, given their shared interests in the tech industry. I reached out to the recruiter and she wrote back almost immediately, asking me to make the introduction. And that’s when it hit me: No matter how challenging my situation, I can (and should) ask for help and I can (and should) help others, too.

In an email after our conversation, my friend told me that he needs to overcome his “lone-wolf disinclination” to ask for help. “I need to get better at asking my trusted circle of friends, and even some friends I don’t trust but who know people,” he said.

He closed his message with this: vulnerability = strength 

I couldn’t agree more.

Since resigning, I’ve kept these words by the motivational speaker Mel Robbins taped to a mirror in my bedroom.

Asking for help can be uncomfortable. This is my daily reminder that feeling uncomfortable is a required step for growth.

With love and purpose always,

Fernanda.

(ps. I’ll have news to share on the job front soon. Stay tuned!)